Thoughts on Time
My grandfather has Alzheimer's and needs to be reminded of my name. This past week, my dog has aged into the beyond, and my hair has now lengthened past my shoulders. I reflect on the progression of time as it applies an even, subtle, yet persistent pressure on my sense of accomplishment, the inevitable end of all my human and non-human relationships, and my fragile but motivating mortality. The less time I have, the more I'm inspired to do with what I have left. For me, that means acknowledging every achievement, admiring nature's complexities [the ones we call simple only because they are ever-present], and fortifying my gratitude.
I've noticed some recurring themes appear when I write songs - ideas of seizing time in one way or another, fulfillment, and change. "No One Showed up For Me" centers around isolation and as the song was being formulated, I drew from premature feelings of catastrophe. I approached the lyrics as if the current state of my relationships were their final states. The last minute and eleven seconds of the record are seemingly hopeful, but intended to fall on deaf ears. Lines like "I'll be new for you" extend hands begging for cleansing while stained of experience never to actually be touched. As I get less younger though, I find myself growing more comfortable with self-assurance and my ability to change how I interact with the unfavorable. What can be done when relationships turn sour? What do we learn from grief? To lose something is to gain another - whether that be the void left by what's missing or a further appreciation for what remains. Maturity evokes acceptance and understanding with circumstances that aren't in our control, but the same maturity beckons action-based initiative that will bring forth the changes in our living relationships we want to see.
These thoughts also compliment the themes of "Amazing" well. The search for whole-body fulfillment, self-discovery, and joy juxtaposed with a knowing that time is limited can and should encourage us to make greater efforts in these regards. But, "I should probably live a little more" and the lines that follow are half-baked affirmations. They carry hesitation and imply the existence of an obstacle. Resistance to change, whether internal or external, compounded with the unstoppable flow of time exacerbates self-doubt and builds resentment.
I imagine this as more than a mental process. The mind, when faced with active blockages, is unable to progress with time and becomes separated from the physical body which remains in the present. The mind then begins attempting to reconnect to the body, it's physical counterpart. But, because the mind cannot perform a physical process solely on its own without working together with the body, it circles back to the blockage[s] that prohibit it. This creates a time loop. Left unaddressed, the cycle repeats. As time passes, the time loop enlarges and the blockage[s] holding the mind captive grow further and further in the past making the connection to the body and the present weaker. We must become comfortable with change or risk never seeing the future [the relative progressing present].
